I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
