At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
