Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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