Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
