they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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