The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
