Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
