i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
