i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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