In America we eat man semen.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
