I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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