the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
