i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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