You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
