then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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