sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
