Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
