remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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