bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
