I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
