Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
