Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
