I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
