you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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