so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
bring money and cleavage
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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