the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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