You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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