There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
