ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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