Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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