He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
