that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
operation harelip BJ is a go
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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