So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
