I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I enjoy the company of your penis
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