Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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