Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
