So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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