put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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