I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im holly from the hills drunk
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
