I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
