Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
