if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
