Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
40s are totally the cure
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
