Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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