He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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