I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
