You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
