Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
