I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
