i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
